Monkey Abroad

A blog about the life abroad. Asian culture and cuisine. Videos, stories, photos, advice, teaching ESL.

babies in china

Babies in China: No Diaper, No Problem

| 7 Comments

Babies in China must think they own the world. They are free to waddle around, butts exposed, defecating wherever they want to in public. Many just laugh it off, but not me. No I’ve had it up to here with these babies and their blatant disrespect for diapers!

Chinese babies rely on split-pants in leu of diapers for when nature calls. That means they can go wherever they want, whenever they want. The mess is simply left behind. I haven’t seen one baby wearing diapers since I arrived two months ago, but I’ve seen plenty of infants marking their territory.

Carefree babies and toddlers prance around with their rear-ends out in the open, looking at me condescendingly, as if to say, “what are you gonna do about it?” Not just outdoors, but in malls, restaurants and grocery stores, Chinese babies and their butts laugh in the face western diaper-wearing logic.

Babies in China

A mother looks around while her daughter politely relieves herself in public.

Once, I was in a busy shopping mall, and I saw a man running toward a trashcan with a trail of liquid splashing underneath him. He had an infant girl in his arms. He was running, she was peeing. They made it to the trashcan where she finished her business, but the damage had already been done. The mess was on him and on the ground.

I watched it all unfold like slow motion. I was blown away by this fast-paced feat of fecal urgency, but nobody around me paid any attention to the mess. Nope, they were too busy staring at me, the white guy, to notice the baby giggling and making a mockery of modern plumbing.

Babies in China

chinahopelive.net

I once saw a toddler peeing in the parking lot of the mall, holding up traffic. Since this is China, the impatient drivers expectedly laid on their horns to show disapproval. I laughed to myself, thinking that the toddler must have gotten a real kick out of making all those people wait until he was finished with his business.

A friend of mine once told me she was sitting in KFC in China enjoying a crispy processed chicken something or other. She looked over to see that a little baby had taken a dump on the ground in the middle of the restaurant. As you might expect, she did not finish her meal.

This is a message to all you babies in China: You think that just because you’re adorable and wear cutesy panda-themed clothing, I’ll laugh and turn the other cheek when you defecate in public. That’s false. It’s called a diaper. Wear one. That way, I can walk around without fear of stepping in your poop.

Author: Kevin Cook

I post stories, videos, advice and photos about living abroad in Asia. I also eat bananas.

7 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness! I won’t complain now when I see a used diaper in the parking lot!

  2. Best “poop my pants story” EVER!! Wow just Wow!

  3. I took a nice law-finals study break to read this annnd:
    1. That is the most INefficient norm I’ve ever heard
    2. I lol’d at the knowledge that you already get publicly shamed for letting your dog irresponsibly poop everywhere in Austin, Tx….I can’t imagine the reaction of someone casually letting their kid use the bathroom as people pass annnnd leaving it.
    3. Do they put their kids on leashes too? You see bold-faced freedom, I see degrading a child to an animal-like status, probably a Western view…
    4. They should make a Scoop-the-Poop law like they have here in Tx for health reasons… But then again you face the whole “not a democracy” thing, so nvm.
    5. I thought Spain was bad bc their social norm is to let dogs poop and pee on the sidewalks like nothing, they even went so far as to say it’s “good luck” if you step in it, which you inevitably do. I say bogus, the first person to say that just felt stupid for stepping in dog poo and made that up. You should start that over there in China! Step in baby poo, have good luck for a month.
    6. I’m still really perturbed that they went so far as to accommodate fashion-wise, this weird behavior. Babies and toddlers asses out everywhere would never be a normal thing here, and I’m genuinely okay with that.
    7. I understand that modern diapers like Huggies or Pampers aren’t necessarily biodegradable and sit in landfills for years, but re-usable cloth diapers are still a practical solution, ass chaps for kids?…. Just…no.
    8. Maybe this promotes faster potty-training behavior??? I really tried to come up with a positive but…. I’ve got nothing.

  4. I literally laughed my pants off at this post. Luckily when I visited China I did not see any deficating babies, but I did happen to catch one with his rear end out.

    • Chanel,
      Your pants literally came off?! Oh wow, sorry. I didn’t intend for this post to do that.
      But seriously, if you visit China and don’t se a bare baby butt, then you haven’t really seen China. Props!

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