Monkey Abroad

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Bananas and penises

Bananas and Penises: My Mind-Blowing Scientific Theory

| 11 Comments

As the MONKEY abroad, I’m a self-proclaimed authority on bananas. I eat them every day; sometimes up to 8 bananas in a span of 12 hours. Bananas are plentiful in Thailand, but let’s face it: they’re small. This observation, combined with the age-old stereotype about penis sizes in Asia, has inspired me to write my most politically incorrect article to date.

The bananas grown in Thailand are smaller than the bananas I ate back in the United States. This got me to thinking: Are banana sizes in different countries relative to each region’s average johnson size? While thoughtfully eating a banana, I stopped mid-munch, wide-eyed at my own immature musings. I may very well be on the brink of a scientific breakthrough.

Bananas and penises

An epiphany: Bananas are akin to penises!

To support my phallic theory, I conducted some scholarly second-hand research. What I discovered not only fortified my belief, but forced me realize my true place in the world of peckers. According to this World Map of Penis Sizes Country by Country, the United States does indeed have a larger average penis size than Thailand. But unfortunately, while the USA is more endowed than Asian countries, it doesn’t rank highly on a worldwide scale.

Thailand ranks among the least endowed, and its bananas are tiny, so could there be a correlation? I say yes. You’re probably already trying to think of ways to poke holes in my genius theory: “But Kevin, the United States imports all of its bananas from other countries! This bizarre penis-banana comparison will never hold up!” False.

Here’s why my Nobel Peace Prize-worthy theory holds up. The United States imports bananas primarily from South American countries. According to the highly reputable world map I cited earlier, South America has a concentration of some of the biggest tallywhackers in the world with Ecuador, Columbia, Venezuela and Bolivia ranking among the top 10 countries by average penis size. Armed with this information, my theory is inphallible!

Conclusion: The Banana-Penis Theory

The average penis size of a country is relative to the average size of the bananas it produces. If the United States had a tropical enough climate to support the growth of bananas, they’d be larger than Asia’s bananas and smaller than South America’s.

Are you offended? Probably. Is your mind blown? Absolutely.

Author: Kevin Cook

I want to inspire you to pursue your own dream of traveling and/or living overseas!

11 Comments

  1. Kev, I appreciate your research in pursuit of the Nobel Prize and find it very apropos and fool proof. Good work! However, a light came on, and would like to know if you feel any further research in your endeavor for this coveted award may be enhanced by comparing the size of the Thailand banana and the males tongue???? My curiosity prevails. Poppy Doc (Dave)

  2. Average size of my smile as I read this blog? HUMONGOUS!!!!!!

  3. It’s funny but very interesting to know with statistics support. Well done 😛

  4. lmao, soooo pretty much don’t eat small bananas lol.

    • Yes, beware – I’ve already noticed shrinkage since my arrival in Thailand (totally kidding). It doesn’t matter what size bananas you’re eating as long you’re living in the Domincan Republic! I envy you, man.

  5. Awesome blog! 🙂 I have registered in ATI for the November batch. (Fingers-crossed) I am really EXCITED!

  6. I stumbled upon this blog by accident but I have the same theory! Have you seen the size of plantains(banana-like fruit) from Africa?

    • According to that Map of Penis Sizes by Country, the Republic of the Congo is the highest ranking country in the world. I have seen photos of those huge red plantains, and I’d say that there’s certainly a correlation with the Banana-Penis Theory.

  7. Funny and inspirational blog. The “Banana Theory” is a good observation. And It’s quite true though there are various kinds of banana grow in Thailand. Of course, they are varied in size and colour. 😛

  8. For my taste buds, I think Thai bananas are much scrummier than Caribbean bananas sold in the UK despite its smaller size. #pun_not_intended

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